I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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