I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
