my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
