I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
