Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
