I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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