Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
