Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
