I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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