why didn't you poke me back
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
