my phone needs a breathalizer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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