Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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