it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Can you bring me the toilet please
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
