I feel like I'm in dance class right now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
