Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
