i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
