I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
