She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
