We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
