My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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