Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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