I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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