She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
