I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
