I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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