So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bring me that man meat
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
