im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
