I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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