i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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