having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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