The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
