I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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