She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
