never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
