my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
