We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
