mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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