I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
