tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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