I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
