Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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