I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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