beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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