I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
