I must be too annoying 4 u.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
