and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
