I can text with my tongue
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
