Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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