if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
