During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
