Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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