Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
