also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
