I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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